I can’t chill…

This is a post for those moms who just can’t relax. Or those girls, boys, men and women, who just can’t seem to relax and stop thinking. I totally relate. I wasn’t always this way. I don’t blame it on anxiety, or OCD or anything like that. Even though, those things may have something to do with why I can’t relax, I wasn’t always this way. I often come off as I have it all together, and I have most of my life together, just not everything! And that’s ok! Here is when I realized it…

Let’s give a little back story into who I am and who I was…

I have always been a friendly and outgoing person. I like to be busy, I like to to talk to people and I love to have fun. When in school I was involved in cheerleading and dance, which, was physically demanding but also commanded a lot of my time. I was not an honor student, in fact I was lucky if I made it to class. Looking at me now you would never know that was the case. School, to be completely honest, bored me. I would skip school to sleep. Around my junior year of high school, I was a nap queen! This was up until I had my first child. I would go to school, work, hang out with friends and nap. I was far from domestic, and did not know how to cook, barely cleaned anything, and if I was bored, I would sleep. So basically, if I had nothing of what I considered important going on, I would sleep. While I was young, if I couldn’t sleep I would watch…now this may date me…VH1 pop up video, MTV music videos, or Nick at Night! I wonder if my parents know about this? LOL!

Now to present day…

I am a mom to 3 kids and work a job that I commute to, 1 hour each way, take kids to school, pick them up, help with homework, take them to their sports activities, cook dinner most nights, some more nutritious than others, dino nuggets for the win!, and also try to keep my house clean and teach my kids good habits, in the midst of all the running around. While writing this I sit here thinking, when do you even have TIME to chill?

Cue my hubby…

My husband is the bread winner. He works 50-60 hours per week to ensure my kids and I can do the things that we do without worry or stress. One day he asked me if I wanted a housekeeper to come out and clean for me.  I was at first, a bit annoyed! Was the house not clean enough for him? Was what I was able to accomplish not good enough?! Why do we need a housekeeper? What can she do that I can’t? Those were all the questions that swirled through my mind when that question was asked. This forced me to take look at my home and realize, hmmmm, maybe what I am doing is good enough, but I might need a little help that my husband can’t give me right now. What if, he isn’t insulting me, but trying to help! Take a load off my shoulders? Relieve some stress? Imagine that?! Perception…an amazing thing…

So I gave in…we hired a housekeeper. This is when I realized…I can’t chill! WTF?! This housekeeper cleaned my house the first time for 6 hours and it was the most amazing transformation! I wanted my house to look that way forever! Well, we all know with kids that will NEVER happen. But we tried and then when the house got messed up, or I didn’t have time to dust all the fans, or do the little projects that I really wanted done, then we called her to come back.

She came back today. The first time since right before Christmas. You know what I did the day before she came to clean my house?

I cleaned the damn house!

I didn’t do any dusting, or bathrooms. But I picked up everything, did all the laundry and made her job a ton easier. But today, while she was here, I had no idea what to do with myself. I tried to watch TV but I felt lazy watching her clean while I sit on the couch. Why? Because I can’t sleep or do anything right this second that I feel is important. I don’t know that I have ever been able to just CHILL. I constantly feel the need to do something. I will say, that the only time I can relax, is when I am with my husband or family. When I can sit and just enjoy the company of another person whom I love. That is when I feel the most relaxed.

Right now it is 10pm and I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking all day about how I was not able to just relax and not do anything. So I figured I would write and ask you all…

Do any of you have this problem? The feeling of never having the time to just relax? And once you do get that time, what do you do with it? What do you do to help you relax? I would love your feedback!